Drawers and Doors

Hi all! 

I’ve been wanting to get back here and write a bit, but I’ve been working on some other projects that gave me an excuse to put this blog on the back-burner.  The longer pieces I’ve done in the past took me a while to write, and therefore, it was always easy for me to say I have no time. So, I’ve decided to write short-short pieces … and more of them.  And I’m not afraid to share a little piece of me in the process.  Enjoy!

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This morning, it was brought to my attention that once again, I left a drawer open in the kitchen.  I have been guilty of this many, many times.  And not just drawers; doors, too.  The weird thing is, I start to close said drawer or door but never finish the process. It’s a peculiar habit irksome to those around me, and I’ve had it since childhood.  My mom could always tell when I had been in the room because something was left open. So, the thought occurred to me today that maybe it’s an analogy for my life.

When I think back over the years, I realize that I’ve had a lot of stops and starts that were of my own doing:  College (tried several times to go back), a writing project (the book I started over two years ago but keep putting aside), volunteering, even something small such as a new project at home, among many others. I’d focus on it for a bit, but then I’d get distracted by something new.  However, I would never truly abandon anything.  It was always there, in the back of my mind or on paper, waiting for me to circle back around to.  And I have circled back with some things, more than once.

Why do I take breathers from these things in my life?  It was important and interesting to me in the first place, or I never would have started it, right?  Is it distraction from everything in the world today, lack of focus, or just wanting to do it all at one shot? Maybe it’s because I like to experiment with new things, and when the allure wears off, I put it aside. 

Good old-fashioned procrastination could be the culprit and an easy answer to what makes me stop.  When I want to hit the pause button on a project, I’m good at telling myself this lie: “I need a little bit more time to process what I need to do next in this task.” Then I go on to something new.  In the meantime, I continue to waste precious time stopping and starting several things when I could finish just one.  I guess the one positive thing about it is that I always have hope that I will come back around.  Those ideas or projects are always open, like little doors and drawers in my mind.

So, maybe when I literally leave those doors and drawers open, while continually irritating everyone, it is my subconscious saying, “Hey, you’ll be back.  Leave it open.”  Deep thought, but it might be truth.  Or maybe I just have a problem with closing things all the way. But I’d like to think I’m “deeper” than that. 

– Sharon